Prepare the deck
With three players, use all Jacks, Queens and Kings. With four, add the Aces in Portuguese rules or the Twos in French rules. The remaining cards form the penalty pile.
Quartets · 3 or 4 players
Quilinhos
de Merda
Pass a card around the table, collect a matching set, and be quick to slap the pile. Play Portuguese rules or the French variation.
W
West0 kg4 cards
N
North0 kg4 cards
E
East0 kg4 cards
The penalty pileFour of a kind starts the race.
Y
You0 kg4 cards
Round complete
Too slow!
01 How to play
Find four.
Slap fast.
Each player keeps four cards in play. The aim is to have all four of the same rank while avoiding penalty points.
Deal and pass
Deal one card at a time until everyone has four. Pass one card face down in the chosen direction. The Portuguese game starts left of the dealer; the French game starts with the Queen of Hearts.
Make a set
Hold exactly four cards of one rank to slap the pile. French rules also allow four of one suit, but everyone must have four cards before anyone may slap.
Race to react
Everyone else slaps as quickly as possible. The last player draws the top penalty card and adds its value to their score.
Count the kilos
Number cards count their face value. Aces count 1 in Portuguese rules and 100 in French rules. A French Seven returns that player’s penalties under the pile.
End the match
The Portuguese match ends at the chosen point limit. The French match ends after the chosen number of rounds. The fewest kilos wins; ties share the honour.
02 Rules and variants
A quick game of nerves.
Portuguese rules
This version follows the three- and four-player rules published by Cartadas Coisadas in 2019: clockwise passing, four cards of one rank, a slap race, and an agreed point limit. The dealer rotates each round.
French variation
Choose French rules to pass to the right, start with the Queen of Hearts, and play a fixed number of rounds. Four players use the Twos rather than Aces. A set may be four of one rank or suit, and everyone must hold four cards before the pile can be slapped. A false slap can fool another player into drawing a penalty. A drawn Seven flushes that player’s penalty cards back under the pile; an Ace is worth 100 kg.
Playing on one screen
The other seats are bots. They react after short delays; if you do not slap during the reaction window, you finish last. If the penalty pile runs out, the lowest score wins.